October 25th
Poleng Lounge
10p-2a
$5

Eskmo (Native State/Cyberfunk)
EPROM (Nexus)
Comma (Slidecamp)

Live painting by Marc Scheff

Boreta/RD (Glitch Mob)
Mr. Rogers (Ooze System/Full Melt)
Genji (Word of Mouth)

San Francisco — Mathematicians from the Equations Program of False Profit, LLC recently announced plans to disprove a widely-accepted arithmetical operation: Division.

“We’ve been seduced by the simple allure of division,” said Bex Hurwitz, a senior Computational Adjuster, at False Profit, LLC. “We were taught long division in grade school as though it were fact. We were — to put it
mildly — led astray.”

The theory of division states that a number gets smaller the more it is divided. In economics, a “dividend” is the amount of an asset each shareholder receives. According to the theory of division, the dividend a shareholder receives should get smaller as the number of shareholders increases. False Profit, LLC intends to prove otherwise.

They invite all shareholders to the Poleng Lounge this Thursday, where the Dividend will actually increase as the number of shareholders increases.

Coming on the heels of Priceless — where False Profit, LLC successfully saturated the market with both High and Low End necessities — yet another market bomb is on the way. The investor-friendly company is teaming up with Missing Piece and diversifying its assets in order to bring investors a Dividend of both Bass and Fashion.

“When you provide investors with the frequencies of benchun, Neptune and F’kir, the market responds,” noted Market Analyst Amy LeBlanc. “But when you add in three designers and three poets, it becomes a value proposition so compelling that everyone will invest everything they’ve got.”

The last time False Profit and Missing Piece worked together they produced the critically acclaimed Alchemy, which was so unorthodox that there were whispers of collusion charges inside the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC). The SEC was unavailable for comment about the upcoming Dividend, but considering the unlimited potential upside for investors, it is unlikely that the Commission will investigate.

DJs: benchun (False Profit), Neptune (Beat Church), F’kir (elderfae.net)
Designers: KAYO, Steven Lai, Miranda Caroligne
Poets: Jennifer Fox Bennet, David Behnken, Mandeep Sethi
Live painting: Dangermarc

False Profit, LLC has just released the results of a three-year study entitled, “Inner Ear Neural Linkage to the ‘More’ Impulse”, which challenges the widely held belief that people desire money. The study revealed that the ‘More’ impulse — commonly deployed by economic behaviorist models to account for people’s apparent desire for profit — is actually the result of rapid neuron firings in the inner ear.

“Quite simply,” said Alison Bank, a Senior Researcher for False Profit, LLC, “it’s all about Bass. Or more accurately, it’s all about More Bass.” The team discovered that the impulse, however, has been frustrated by the silencing of the Outer Atmospheric Bass — a result of the Big Bang — by the excess of greenhouse gases produced by the Industrial Economy. Our desire for Bass, apparently, has lost its way.

“Human physiology is remarkable,” noted Mary Zimmerle, a multi-disciplinary scientist at False Profit, LLC. “The ‘More’ impulse, which for centuries has been misdirected toward profit, responds almost immediately to large doses of Bass. And the test subjects just want More. For ethical reasons, we are continuing the study in perpetuity.”

“This next Dividend is the day before Raindance,” said Bank, “so I predict you will see a strong demonstration of the ‘More’ impulse. Did you see the line-up? It screams ‘More’.”

False Profit, LLC has invited everyone to participate in their continuing study of the ‘More’ impulse at the Poleng Lounge, this coming Thursday, June 28th. There is no placebo group.

New York, USA – Traders were puzzled yesterday, watching from the floor of the New York Bass Exchange, as an irregular spike in the Consumer Bass Index left the IT Specialists at the Exchange scratching their heads.

“The Index always keeps a steady rhythm. We’d never seen it spike like that before,” said Naomi Dabby, the Director of Frequencies at the Exchange. “We knew it had to be a glitch in our network.” But after two hours of searching, the IT department could find no network issues. “We checked and rechecked all our systems and all signs pointed to the spike being real,” Aaron Bornstein said, who was one of seven network administrators who responded immediately to the glitch.

What none of the traders or officials at the Exchange realized was that False Profit, LLC, a leading company on the Bass Index, has investors on the West Coast trading furiously. Set to receive their largest Dividend in more than a year, investors will be treated to the glitchy basslines of Ooah this coming Thursday, May 24th at the Poleng Lounge.

It was the combination of Ooah, Danny Corn, and Dr. Toast that whipped up investors into the frenzy that caused the anomalous spike. “Are you kidding me?,” said one trader, who wished to remain anonymous, because he was having difficulty remembering his name.

“Had we known that Dr. Toast has been adding a touch of glitch into his sets, we might have seen this coming,” said another trader, also unable to remember her name.

“I saw Danny last summer and it took me three days to recover my memory,” said yet another nameless investor.

The Poleng Lounge, a perennial San Francisco hot spot will get its first taste of False Profit, LLC this coming Thursday, May 24th from 10p-2a, and the reverberations have already been felt by investors in New York. Said one ecstatic investor, “If this is what False Profit does on a Thursday, I can’t wait for Priceless.”

DIVIDEND @ Poleng Lounge
1751 Fulton Ave @ Masonic
10-2a / $5

Ooah (Glitch Mob, LA)
Danny Corn (Moontribe)
Dr. Toast (False Profit)

+ with art and fashion offerings from Medium Reality and Clay Chollar.

Maximize your Dividend investments this week with lady DJs dropping the first beats of the FP spring season.

False Profit announces first-quarter beat earnings exceeding even the most optimistic estimates.

“We’re not going to stop there. Once you get an organization going, momentum continues, ” says Andrea Brooks, Chief Mascot Trainer.

Brendan Colloran, President of the FP Meteorlogical Society, reported this morning, “If profits were spring showers, I’d say there’s a 100% likelihood of a bass downpour this Thursday.”

Note: New venue… come get down in the dog!

Ana Sia (glitch mob)
glitchhop, grime, hiphop

Kozee (redline)
dnb, dubstep

Beth Murphy (house of lotus)
hip hop, breaks

SAN FRANCISCO — Investor confidence is on the rise this month, following reports that the Consumer Bass Index is projected to hit a record high. According to Low-End Analyst Sam Pearlman “we expect the CBI to plateau sometime shortly after midnight on Thursday, February 22 — probably somewhere near 6th and Market in San Francisco. Activities in the bass sector by False Profit LLC seem to be driving this trend.”

In a note to investors, False Profit VP of Muffin-Hop Jim Reynolds wrote “False Profit’s recent acquisition of Jay Oberhelman [nasdaq: OBI-J; 47.23, +18.3%] and our strategic partnership with djunya and DJ Scout have created an unusual opportunity for rhythmic mayhem.” When reached for further comment, Reynolds remarked “this shit’s gonna be so spiritual.”

This month’s Bass Index peak is expected to produce an extremely robust Dividend for savvy investors. On the news, Pearlman reiterated his “buy” rating on FP stock, adding “WOMP WOMP WOMP!”

djunya
(Narco.Hz , Dubscouts)
dub, dubstep, 2step, roots music, downtempo

DJ scout
(Koinonea, FnF, bianca)
dub, dubstep, broken and global beats

obi-J
(False Profit, DownLow, Pronoia)
breaks, glitch, dubstep, midtempo

* Carbon Community (bless records, sober music, play recordings)
* Hypnotech (addictech)
* Piotron (downLow)
* DJJD (aka Palindrome) (False Profit)

“Surely with this lineup distributing monthly Dividends at rock bottom prices,”
PR analyst Becky Hurwitz noted, “we will observe a noticeable surge in
futuristic frequencies traded on the dancefloor.” Investor freq-out is expected
to follow, predict the collective, possibly accompanied by mild stomping,
vivacious bouncing and bouts of heavy jiggling.

come say hi on tribe

We’re a few days late for the tree ritual, but don’t despair. Dividend will be delivering the holiday goodies this year after all.

And what goody goodies they are:

Finally, in our ever ambitious quest to paint the whole city with fine frequencies, Dividend once again travels to a new location. This month Anu will be hosting this very special night of music on their bangin’ sound system. Come by, check it out and let us know what you think of the place …

Dividend @ Anu / 43 6th St
Thursday, December 28, 10p-2a
http://false-profit.com/dividend

In a move designed to strengthen primary life enjoyment facilitation operation strategies, False Profit, LLC is pleased to announce the temporary relocation of the Dividend monthly conference and life investment opportunity. Capitalizing on the current reconstruction operations being undertaken by Nickie’s BBQ, the company has forged a strategic alliance with Blasthaus and Rx Gallery, well established key players and prime movers in San Francisco’s sonic celebration sector.

An initiatory agreement between the partners will see Dividend’s growing investment community convening at the outstanding Rx Gallery in October. The intimate venue, known for its friendly staff, champion sound and vibrant vibe has hosted such reknown acts in recent months as: Modeselektor, Alex Patterson (of the Orb), Akufen, Sutekh and Ladytron.

Dividend is excited to bring you both fresh sounds and well-loved sonic tonic this month as we welcome Ernie Trevino, Techture and Zapper to the flight deck. Furthermore, to fully profit from everything the location has to offer, Dividend will be taking advantage of the large projection surface (video artist TBA) and extended setup space for Zapper’s hardware set closing the night.

Finally, in order to fully engage at least four of the five senses (wait til you taste the beer!), Dividend will also be hosting local designer wearables for your tactile Halloween preparation pleasure.

Info about our guests this month:

* Techture, Live Set (Sleevin Records)

Techture creates original beats that weave through bass tones and percussion, blending breaks and dub dabligs with proper laid back drum n’ bass stylings. Techture is both an audio and a visual artist. Inspired since the early days of the electronic music movement, he continues to evolve his style of trip-hop/drum n’ breakz music. He combines live instrumentation with software & hardware, layering together a unique palette of analog & digital sounds. Techture’s sound is apparent from his inspirations: Massive Attack, Bjork, Amon Tobin, Adam Freeland and Aphex twin to name a few.

* Zapper, Hardware Live Set (369rekchordz,OOzE System)

Using hardware for it’s dedicated operation (phatt sound and full-on tactile control surface) Zapper creates beats that are improvised live and geared towards the dance floor. Ranging from sexy dub to uptempo breaks, be prepared to shake that booty in ways you’ve never attempted before. This is live improvized electronic music: beats and grooves created for the dancefloor on the dancefloor to inspire movement, all funked up in ya head and through ya legs.

* Ernie Trevino (Space Cowboys, Faded)

Space cowboy extrodinaire Ernie Trevino needs no introduction. He’s back to the bomb the bass with brazen ballistic breakbeat bombaciousness. Watch out.

REMEMBER: DONT COME TO NICKIES THIS MONTH

You’ll find the party at

Dividend
Rx Gallery / 132 Eddy Street @ Mason
Thursday, October 26, 10p-2a

http://false-profit.com/dividend

Pssssst: for those of you who’ve managed to read this far in the announcement I have a little secret: arrive early and catch the opening reception of Michelle Blade & Zane Peach’s new surrealist art exhibit. (see rxgallery.com) Arrive early enough you can also get in free! (after 10p it’s a measly $5)