Dividend: Kitty-D, Ana Sia, Lux

False Profit, LLC has just released the results of a three-year study entitled, “Inner Ear Neural Linkage to the ‘More’ Impulse”, which challenges the widely held belief that people desire money. The study revealed that the ‘More’ impulse — commonly deployed by economic behaviorist models to account for people’s apparent desire for profit — is actually the result of rapid neuron firings in the inner ear.

“Quite simply,” said Alison Bank, a Senior Researcher for False Profit, LLC, “it’s all about Bass. Or more accurately, it’s all about More Bass.” The team discovered that the impulse, however, has been frustrated by the silencing of the Outer Atmospheric Bass — a result of the Big Bang — by the excess of greenhouse gases produced by the Industrial Economy. Our desire for Bass, apparently, has lost its way.

“Human physiology is remarkable,” noted Mary Zimmerle, a multi-disciplinary scientist at False Profit, LLC. “The ‘More’ impulse, which for centuries has been misdirected toward profit, responds almost immediately to large doses of Bass. And the test subjects just want More. For ethical reasons, we are continuing the study in perpetuity.”

“This next Dividend is the day before Raindance,” said Bank, “so I predict you will see a strong demonstration of the ‘More’ impulse. Did you see the line-up? It screams ‘More’.”

False Profit, LLC has invited everyone to participate in their continuing study of the ‘More’ impulse at the Poleng Lounge, this coming Thursday, June 28th. There is no placebo group.