While the Spring Quarter has so far seen only a modest increase in Low End returns, this is not, as some economists have suggested, proof of shaky investor confidence. We at False Profit, LLC believe this slow growth is simply due to an investor base preparing for a frenzied few months of summer trading, when the campout industry booms.

To prepare investors for the upcoming flourish of trading that will keep them glued to the Stock Exchange for many sleepless weekends, the Research and Development Division of False Profit, LLC has created Spring Training. Teaming up with industry partners Adam Ohana, Laura, EPROM, Neptune, Genji, and our own benchun, Dr. Toast, Alxndr, and Obi-J, we believe this is a truly revolutionary product.

Extended exposure to the elements, crossing bridges, packing meals, and continual re-hydration – all hallmarks of brisk summer trading – are the key components of Spring Training. But we think the truly unique aspect of Spring Training is that it is free. Bucking the industry-wide trend of selling products, False Profit, LLC is harnessing a time-tested fiscal policy that was common before the advent of money: The Gift.

We will be unveiling Spring Training in picturesque Joaquin Miller Park in Oakland on Sunday, June 3rd, from noon until 8pm. Please note: these are not official try-outs, but bring your A game anyway.