FP News, April 2005

A brief message from the False Profit Office of Propaganda and Corporate Free Speech

NEWSFLASH: False Profit Invades SF Office Park

Freak Magnet Succeeds in Attracting Additional Freaks

From the ashes of False Profit’s massive move to LIQUIDATE its 43 Norfolk HQ1 has sprung FPHQ2, nestled snugly and unassumingly among the offices of other, more Corporate, companies. Not content to rest on our “creative housing” laurels, the new digs are spread across three floors which formerly comprised the boiler room of a soap factory. Indeed, HQ2 covers approximately 4500 square feet, complete with lead-painted piping, rusted fixtures, and asbestos. Having dropped from exhaustion in the industrial race to the bottom, the factory was later converted into the now-aptly-named “Pioneer Square” office building. (They must have known we were coming). We are proud to report that since FP took possession of our suite, the complex’s financial productivity per rentable square foot has plunged dramatically. We see no reason for this trendline not to continue its inexorable march towards the x-axis. After breaking ground we have been joined in our endeavor by another next-generation corporate entity (read: group of freaks), who now inhabit a nearby sub-basement of our post-post-industrial escape pod and have begun converting it to their own profitable ends. It is the Company’s stated goal to ensure that “Pioneer Square” will fulfill its destiny as a self-sustaining community of supermonetary enjoyment. Join us. We look forward to your investment.

YESTERDAY’S NEWS TODAY

• Dividend has been running strong on the fourth Thursday of every month at Nickie’s BBQ. Thanks to the guest DJs we’ve had in the past few months: Smoove, Rhythmystic, Alibi, Jauncy, Joe Encarnacion, and watson. Thanks also to Moksha Tribe and Evil Breaks for running the night in March. Don’t miss the next one this Thursday, April 28…
• As you well know, False Profit closed the doors of the 43 Norfolk Headquarters last month with Liquidate. Approximately 800 people turned out to take advantage of the blowout event. Special thanks to all those investors that kept things going until 10am, soaking up every last drop of love FP’s SOMA location had to offer.

TOMORROW’S NEWS TODAY

Thursday, April 28 – Dividend at Nickie’s BBQ

After a quiet ending to Q3 2005, False Profit has agreed to take a restructuring charge on its already doctored balance sheets and push ahead with delivering steady Dividends to its investors. Wall Street might be shocked, but Haight Street is a little more savvy. DJs will be Trav, benchun, and Haj from Freek Factory NYC. Details at: http://www.false-profit.com/events/dividend20050428

Sunday, May 1 – Howweird Street Faire

Despite FP’s move from SOMA to Potrero Hill, the Company will once again be representing at the Howweird Street Faire next Sunday, May 1st. Please come out and join us for this Beltane celebration. More info on the faire can be found at http://www.howweird.org

June 18 – Convocation

Join us in christening the new False Profit Soap Factory Annex with a live downtempo psychedelic dub event in conjunction with Dub Beautiful Collective. All live performances from international and US acts: Shulman, Bluetech, Alex Theory, Phutureprimative, and Shen (aka Noah Pred). More info at http://www.dub-beautiful.org