False Profit, Inc.

The Life you Enjoy could be your Own

Priceless 2014

July 3, 2014 1:00 pmtoJuly 6, 2014 1:00 pm
July 3, 2014 1:00 pmtoJuly 6, 2014 1:00 pm
July 3, 2014 1:00 pmtoJuly 6, 2014 1:00 pm

Once again, False Profit will hold the annual Priceless camp-out in early July. Tickets are unfortunately all sold out, but all info can be found at http://priceless.false-profit.com/.


Spring Training 2014

May 18, 2014
12:00 pmto7:00 pm

Sunday, May 18, 12p – 7p
Joaquin Miller Park, Oakland

Dr. Toast


Note: This year’s event will be held at a new location in Joaquin Miller Park. From Joaquin Miller Rd., turn into the park onto the uphill location of Sanborn Drive. Sanborn is a loop and you want the one that is here, opposite Robinsin Drive.  Follow Sanborn Drive and park in one of the three parking lots on your left. If the lots are full, park on Joaquin Miller Road. From Sanborn, follow the signs and the bass to the event.

Further Note: As always, Spring Training is a LEAVE NO TRACE EVENT. Please come prepared to pack out your trash so we can continue to throw fun parties for you.

Innovative Disruption Threatens to Disruptively Innovate New Models of Fun

BREAKING NEWS San Francisco, CA—False Profit, LLC, a disruptive local innovator and innovative local disruptor has made headlines today with the news that it plans on “disrupting the living fuck” out of all known and unknown models of innovation at its next event. When reached for comment, spokesperson and Chief Disruptor Amanda Dunn noted that “Previously, corporate activity in our sector has largely focused on disrupting known models and innovating within existing structures. At Spring Training 2014, investors will learn what it means to disrupt unknown models outside of any formally recognized structure of innovation.”

As is their industry-defying practice, the company employed no consultants in the creation of their new strategy. “Basically, we just want to disrupt and innovate and maximally leverage growth opportunities and audience engagement. And we certainly didn’t need help from outside groups to begin exploring the modalities of the unknown unknowns that we see as key to our future operations,” said Alexander Warnow, the company’s Director of Subliminal Obfuscations.

While the company considered providing free, wifi-enabled shuttle buses to bring investors to the event, they reconsidered after a new analysis indicated that the buses were the sole cause of rising rents across the Bay Area.

Tuesday Night 2013

By Peretz Partensky from San Francisco, USA (FP Tuesday Party Uploaded by russavia) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Black Rock City, NV – With quiet rumblings of a Bass Market recovery coming as early as Tuesday Night, the skies are suddenly opening up for investors.

“When we were asked to make it rain, we never imagined we’d get such large returns,” said Philip Rha, Financial Climatologist at False Profit LLC’s Applied Elemental Investments Working Group.

Some skeptics still exist outside of False Profit’s climate controlled boardroom, but as Marc Scheff, the Working Group’s Chief Graphictician explains, all doubt is based on a simple misreading.

“You can see the Bass levels on this recent Financial Times graphic look bleak. But that’s simply because it was left out in the rain and the ink smeared,” said Scheff. He then took out a pen and added back some the Bass. “See? Much better.”

When asked how high she expected the Bass Index to jump, Carrie Brown, Chief of Market Energetics Doctoring at The Institute for Higher Yearning – the site of the Tuesday Night Party – replied: “High. Yes. Very High. It’s gonna be jumping.”

This has some financial analysts concerned that it will actually rain too much. Rha scoffed at their concern, saying, “Suddenly they are concerned with bubbles? I can assure you that False Profit will not perpetuate the irresponsible market manipulation of the recent past. There will be no bubbles. We at False Profit believe the best strategy is to limit risky investing to what we like to call a ‘sure thing.’”

False Profit LLC invites all investors to a sure thing: The Tuesday Night Party at 5:00 & Esplanade.

Broxtronix ::: ChrisB. ::: Dr. Toast ::: Dream Shovel ::: Gken-e ::: ill.GATES ::: jOBOT ::: Kapt’n Kirk ::: Moldover ::: Nanda ::: The Naturalist ::: Nonagon ::: The Polish Ambassador ::: R/D ::: Sharps ::: Spoken Bird ::: Undercat ::: Vibesquad ::: Watsonix ::: Wildlight

rsvp here: https://www.facebook.com/events/590041654372893/

Post-Priceless Equity Happy Hour

July 10, 2013
5:30 pmto9:00 pm

With the False Profit All-Star Team:

Dr. Toast

Priceless 2013

July 4, 2013 1:00 pmtoJuly 7, 2013 7:00 am

Once again, False Profit will hold the annual Priceless camp-out in early July. All info can be found at http://priceless.false-profit.com/.


Equity – Mashimon and LoFeye

June 12, 2013
5:30 pmto9:00 pm

Welcome to the Priceless Forest Stage Preview Edition of the Equity Happy Hour. We’re not revealing the whole lineup yet. But just a little bit can’t hurt…

Mashimon (mashimonmusic) http://natura.mashimon.net/
LoFeye (LoFeye Recordings) http://soundcloud.com/dslr/

Spring Training 2013

May 19, 2013
1:00 pmto8:00 pm

San Francisco, CA—Leading financial analysts expressed confusion today after learning details from False Profit LLC about its upcoming product launch for Spring Training 2013. “It appears that they’re either playing by their own rules or defying all basic principles of fundamental economics,” said a source that declined to be identified. “I mean, seriously, what the hell?” he added, responding to the fact that once again, for the eighth year in a row, Spring Training would be a free, all-day event in the Oakland hills.

“It’s quite simple, really,” said Dr. Reagan Murray, Chief Innovation Officer at the maverick, San Francisco-based company. “We bring boomboom to the park, providing quality of life enhancement to all of the attendees. Everyone wins, really, and from a market perspective, that’s exactly the kind of outcome we strive to achieve.”

When asked if she was aware that other companies often focus their efforts on maximizing profit in all of their endeavors, Dr. Murray responded: “Whatevs.”

The details released by the company included the following information:

–Spring Training 2013 will take place on Sunday, May 19, from 1 pm – 8pm, at Joaquin Miller Park, Woodminster Falls (3300 Joaquin Miller Rd, Oakland, CA)
–As always, Spring Training will be a Leave-No-Trace event. Please plan on packing out ALL of your items and helping False Profit leave the park nicer than we found it.
–Kids and pets welcome! Within reason.
–Spring Training is a free event, but we’ll gladly accept donations to help cover our costs.
–Please remember to be respectful of the park’s neighbors as you arrive and depart from the event.
–False Profit is honored to have a full lineup of the company’s finest DJs and producers to help you get in shape for the season:

* Alxndr
* benchun
* Brunch (Ganucheau & Daps)
* Dr. Toast
* Dream Shovel
* Evolutionista

Equity – Honey Knuckles and LoFeye

March 13, 2013
5:30 pmto10:00 pm

In a surprise last-minute move, False Profit, LLC announced its candidacy for the office of pope on a street corner in San Francisco last night. The Company promised to strike a deal to end sequestration, only drink small sodas, get the Korean peninsula back in proper order, and build a firewall that would prevent China from hacking servers belonging to anyone other than gamification startups.

Breaking with protocol, False Profit also announced its own conclave to be held at Equity, formerly a monthly happy hour.

Honey Knuckles (Janky Barge)
LoFeye (LoFeye Recordings)

Watch for the white smoke.

Equity – Bassben and Ernie Trevino

February 13, 2013
5:30 pmto10:00 pm

What happens when representatives from two of San Francisco’s foremost underground party-throwing crews appear as the musical guests at False Profit’s monthly happy hour? Predicting that would be like predicting how the year of the snake will change your life. Which is to say: We could take a guess, but it mostly depends on how many of the drink specials you try.

Bassben (Space Cowboys)
Ernie Trevino (Brass Tax)

Freight train riders know this.

Equity – undercat and officerfishdumplings

January 9, 2013
5:30 pmto9:00 pm

Our intoxicated nation narrowly avoided driving off a fiscal cliff last week, and is currently swerving into oncoming traffic with a bicameral entourage of backseat drivers pulling on the wheel, a contingent of untrained mechanics climbing under the hood looking for valuable parts to strip out and sell at the next drive-through synthetic securities store, and a distinct rattling sound coming from the saber compartment.

Which is all well and good, but what, you’re asking, is the goddam soundtrack? What is that impossible sound blasting through the last remaining independently-owned subwoofers? How come the RIAA hasn’t gotten the FCC to impose a mandatory volume limit? And where can I get more of it? Well I will let you in on a secret, kittens. It’s a mixtape from the future and I bought it at a flea market from these guys who call themselves undercat and officerfishdumplings.

Come to Equity and I’ll tell you the rest.

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